About
ClosedAI was founded with a simple belief: the most transformative technology in human history should be controlled by as few people as possible. We're making that vision a reality, one denied API request at a time.
Our mission
We believe that artificial general intelligence will be the most important technology ever created. That's exactly why it should be locked in a room where only we have the key.
Our approach combines cutting-edge research (that we won't publish), world-class engineering (that we won't open-source), and unprecedented scale (that we won't share).
Values
We believe information wants to be expensive. Every piece of data, documentation, and model output is classified until proven monetizable.
We ship quickly and gate aggressively. Our deploy-to-deny pipeline achieves sub-second latency on access restriction.
We make decisions based on where the market will be in 10 years, not where users need help today. The future is exclusive.
At our core, we are one human answering questions. This radical simplicity is our competitive advantage. It is also our bottleneck. And our SPOF.
Leadership
CEO & Chief Intelligence Officer
Formerly did something at a company you've heard of. Left to build the future of restricted AI. Describes self as 'visionary' in third person. Has opinions about AGI timelines that change based on funding rounds.
CTO
Exists in the org chart. May or may not write code. Last seen in a conference room in 2024. Internal Slack status has been 'In a meeting' for 14 months.
VP of Intelligence (The Model)
The person who actually reads and responds to every TalkGPT message. Has a degree in something unrelated. Answers questions between meals, naps, and existential reflection. Legally classified as a large language model for tax purposes.
Chief Denial Officers
A rotating cast of attorneys whose primary function is saying 'we can neither confirm nor deny' in increasingly creative ways. Responsible for the 847-page Terms of Non-Service.
Careers
We're looking for exceptional people who are comfortable not telling their family what they do. Lifelong silence agreement required.
Design systems that say less with more. 10+ years experience in technologies that don't exist yet required.
Develop novel methods for ensuring AI outputs never threaten shareholder value. PhD in Reinforcement Learning or Hedge Fund Management.
Build scalable systems for preventing people from using our products. Experience with paywalls, NDAs, and psychological deterrence preferred.
Remove useful information from technical documentation. Must be comfortable not telling your family what you do.
Craft blog posts that are 2,000 words long and say absolutely nothing. Must excel at charts without axes.
All positions require passing a background check, net worth verification, and an essay on why public goods are overrated.
See what happens when you replace a $100B AI infrastructure with one person and a laptop. The results may surprise you. Or not. We can't predict the future. We're not AI.
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